Five sentences.

1) I just got a kick-ass retro chrome watch with red LED read-outs.
2) I am feeling a lot better, and went to work today.
3) My daughter made me SO angry today I wanted to lock her in her room until she's 28.
4) I'm down to 171 lbs... which is 4 over my wedding weight in 1995.
5) Let's change "28" to "56."

Antibiotics, Viruses, Super TB.

One of the comments I received mistakenly states that antibiotics make viruses stronger over time. While this isn’t correct (in fact, the near-opposite is true: antiobiotics only affect biotics, i.e. bacteria, etc), it raises a really good point.

Take your medicine. ALL of it.

In New York City, we have something called Super Tuberculosis. Or super TB. It’s a multiply resistant form of the disease which came about because a whole lot of TB patients stopped taking their medicine as soon as they felt better. What they didn’t realize was this: they felt better because the medicine had killed a whole lot of bacteria. But not all of them.

The last to die? Those are the strongest of them all.

And what these patients were left with, then, was a rapid regrowth of the strongest TB bugs their body had left, ones that were resistant to the drugs, and would be near impossible to treat.

TB is just one example. Super Bugs are becoming more common across the board.

Thanks for all the wishes, by the way. I'm so much better today that I've already overdone it. I carried a 19" monitor (LCD) and two laptops from home to work... including walking from 35th street to where I work in the East Village. Zzzz.

104.3 - ugh.

This is the first time I haven't just rocketed back to health after starting antibiotics.

Weak, semi-grumpy, and enforced sleeping.

I have GOT to go back to bed. I really want to go to work tomorrow, but if I feel anything like this, that would be totally stupid. I feel okay when I'm sitting on the couch... my eyes burn a little, and I feel kinda dizzy... but when I stand up, I feel TOTALLY weak.

It's kind of like pneumonia, only I can breathe.

This is quite a little challenge. My chest hurts, I'm achy all over, and I feel like I could fall asleep in a few minutes.

Perhaps I will.

Ehrlichiosis: I hadn't heard of it.

Over the last 48 hours, I got super-sick. Chills, 104-degree fever, total fatigue. I wound up in the ER. They did bloodwork, and found my liver enzymes were wacked. My platelets and white blood cell counts were low. They said "you have ehrlichiosis."

I said "Whoa."

Just got back from the hospital. 'Night.

If you know, you know. If you don't, that's totally cool.

Sorry about the vagueness of this one. I won't do it again.

On Friday, I did my first full and complete 5th step. It was an absolutely amazing experience, and completely different than what I expected. When it was over, I felt infused by light, and totally excited about the future.

During the process, there was one point where I tapped into this unbelievably strong wellspring of sorry over my father and mother. Although, having thought about it, i think it was two things: 1) Crazy-ass borderline that he is, I still miss him tremendously. 2) Having three kids of my own, I have no clue as to how he could act the way he does. I understand that he's sick, but when my kids do the exact same shit that, when I did it, was termed "evil," I'm like: "What the FUCK? This is just normal KID stuff."

Well, God bless the man.

I didn't engage those feelings. I realize I'm going to have to, eventually. But not now. For the moment, I am reveling in the fact... the concrete realization... that doing a fifth step, and following it quickly with the 6th and 7th, means that I am totally responsible from my actions from here on out. No blaming anyone, no matter what they did, do or will do.

I am totally accountable. Rock on.

The Run for Central Park: A new personal record!

Holy Smokes!

So, three days after running the Nike Run-Hit Wonder Race, I ran the 4-mile Run for Central Park. My clock time was 28:29, which means I had at least a 7:07 pace. My previous fastest was 7:42 in a 5k race back in March.

Yeesh! Yay!

I almost lost it, though. I ran the first mile in 7:21, and the second in 6:50. So by the third, I was feeling a whipped. I've never experienced the "recovering your breath while still running pretty hard" thing before. It's amazing how, if you slow down just a little, you'll slowly recover enough to start speeding up again. I never really tried that before.

...

The official results just came online: I ran a 7:04 pace. ROCK ON.

Nike Run-Hit Wonder 5-Mile Race Results.

Hey, cool!

I came in the the top 650 out of 3700-something guys. That ROCKS. I ran a 7:51 pace. My second fastest to date. Yay!

Grace under pressure and, well, AAAAAAH!

And no, I don't mean the Rush album. Wait, you mean you don't *have* that one?

:-)

I saw my oldest in a swim meet today. It's his first year on the team. When the race started (he's on the "exhibition team," which means "beginner so it doesn't really count"), I got confused. I saw this speedy, graceful, muscular Big Kid sliding through the water, and I said to Maggie: Is that really him?

It was.

So. Maggie is sick. She actually asked me to come home from work early today to take care of the kids. And she's a true Irish "work-through-the-pain" type. So you know she's hurting. And I did this. But my main employee is out sick (for the second day), and I've got all these open orders I really need to work on pronto. I feel like I'm torn between family needs and family funding, you know.

Then, fuck, we're closing on a refinance on the house tomorrow. We're rolling in our home equity line and getting a 1% reduction in the 30-year to 5.875%. I say "fuck" not only because I like to, on occasion, say "fuck," but because after stringing us along... they moved the closing to 3:30 in White Plains, NY. This bums me out because I'm running the Nike Run-Hit Wonder Race tomorrow, and if things get delayed, I'm going to miss it. This is my fourth race this year that counts towards the 2006 New York Marathon. My fifth is Sunday.

Anyway: work, family, self. Anybody know how to balance this stuff?

These nights.

Maggie is sick. Maybe with a recurrence of Lyme disease. She's tired and fluish and aches all over. Her test results come back Thursday. I got home around 9... just in time to say goodnight to her and my oldest. My two youngest were already asleep.

I'm missing my parents, right now. It's such a strange thing to say. But I really do. The thing about my father is this: he's not a bad guy... he's just got a major problem. Let me correct that. He's can be a GREAT guy, but he's got a major problem. And when that problem focuses on you (like it did to my Uncle and my Grandmother)... oh my God, is it frightening.

Folks with Borderline Personality Disorder are persuasive and relentless and frightening.

The thing is, I love my parents dearly. And I miss them. In spite of the fact that they think I'm evil... that they think I've been trying to destroy their marriage since I was four years old... I still think this is driven by illness, and hope that, one day, I could at least say hello again.

The caveat: I will not let Maggie get hurt by them again. While I watched the decades-long rage against my Uncle and Grandmother... she never experienced a Borderline in action. She was unprepared, and thought that she could win them over with honesty and kindness. No wonder she got shingles. Twice.

Ugh.

I'll be happier tomorrow.

Dell Financial Services redux: They suck MORE.

Why, Lord? Why?

Why does Dell Financial continue to call my company week after week... asking for a company that hasn't had this number in years and years? WHY? I've been nice. I've been angry. I've even kept them on the phone for 20 minutes by acting utterly insane. I've spoken to Supervisors. I pretended to weep once.

So my next tactic, then, is to start billing them consulting fees for helping them figure this out. Then, I'll sue them in New York Small Claims court to recover my fees.

Serioiusly. I've HAD it.

Wheat and the weeds.

Yeah, I can be one evil jackass. At least in my thoughts. Occasionally in action.

Today's reading in Church was the parable about how someone's wheat field was sown (by an enemy of the farmer) with weeds, and how the farmer had to let the weeds grow along with the wheat, since pulling up the weeds might destroy the roots of the wheat, too.

We're all wheat and weeds. We're all good and evil. It just depends on which part we nourish, and which part we try to redirect. This is the goal of my spiritual life, my family life, and my work life.

I know people who focus on the weeds. They're stuck in a self-deprecating, endlessly-circling-back series of laments about what's WRONG. True, maybe, but there's wheat in there, too. And to focus on the good strengthens it, as well.

I'm not very consistent about the spiritual action required to take steps on my spiritual path... but hell, I'm trying. And, I think, improving.

Rock on.

Fear of humiliation, fear of failure.

You know.... I've started three companies, sold one, am running the other two. I've got three great kids and I'm happily married. I've quit smoking, quit drinking, changed my diet, become a distance runner, etc., etc., etc.

Yet, the only reason I'm writing the above is because I'm embarrassed that I lasted only 24 hours on this crazy-ass fast. But you know what? It is what it is. I'd rather be somewhat ashamed than be a short-tempered prick.

Oh, well.

My reference book, Nutritional Healing, has a section on juice fasts, which sound more up my alley. I think eating *nothing* and being in an active family of five just doesn't cut it for me. And when I try it, I'll blog it, even it means blogging a failure.

Fast, Day 1: This is NOT for parents with kids.

I think I'm going to bail. It's only been 24 hours, but honestly: serving your kids ketchup-laden french fries while your other kid is having a huge bowl of ice cream... well.... let's just say I'm being non-optimal. In fact, I'm being a short-tempered guy. Sticking to healthy food is fine. Sticking to nothing in the face of all this stuff on TOP of the non-stop questions from the kids is a little too much. Unless I check into a hotel for a couple of days.

Fast, Day 1: A mistake?

I just got off the phone with Maggie... and she said that our race is Wednesday, not Thursday. For some reason, I thought the 20th was a Wednesday. This kind of throws of my whole plan, since I need two days to start get back on the food trail from fasting.

Grrr. What to do?

Fast, Day 1: Cayenne bonanza!

Last night, before I went to bed, I took a sip of the lemonde mixture I made. Holy CRAP. The pepper was was unbelievably strong. I wrote my semi-hippie-yoga-nutritionist and asked her if that was supposed to be the case.

Turns out I doubled the cayenne by mistake. Tee hee.

So I just whipped up a new batch. 8 ounces for about 10 minutes from now. 40 ounces for the day.

The morning starts with Oxy-Mag, though. It's the stuff that's supposed to really clean you out. I can say, hands-down, that it is the most un-food-tasting thing I've had in my life. Icky poo.

Off to work.

Fast: The evening before.

I'm about to prep my drinks for tomorrow. It's a combination of:

Cayenne pepper
Lemon Juice
Raw honey
Water

Also, I'm going to by taking this stuff called Oxy Mag, which apparently oxidizes all the crap, literally, leftover in your intestines from years and years of self-abuse. I have this weird idea in my head that I'm going to somehow poop out a whole, pristine, Big Mac from 1994.

I've been eating really well for the past month... mostly just fruits and vegetables... EXCEPT for lunch today, which was, um, three pieces of pizza. And, um, another two when I got home. I think I freaked out over the idea of what I'm going to do tomorrow. Also, I have a race on 7/20, the Nike Run-Hit Wonder in Manhattan.

So I might keep the fast to five days so I have one day to recover before the race.

In a way, Danny Glover sucks ass.

I have insider information. And Danny Glover can be highly dishonerable.

I t just needed to be said.

My fast starts tomorrow.

Here's something I haven't tried...

...and I'm not talking about french-kissing an otter. I mean, I've never done that either, but I'm probably not gonna. Unless the otter is REALLY hot. I mean, like, a BABE. But the thing is, I don't know what makes an otter hot. Fur quality?

Wait. I'm off on a tangent, and I haven't even started writing.

I'm doing a 5-7 day fast. Starting Friday. It's a detox/cleansing thing, planned for by my semi-hippie-boxing-yoga-nutritionist person. For that time, all I get to drink is "lemonade" made with lemon juice, cayenne pepper and honey. Also, I'm supposed to take this oxidizing powder that makes you poop all the time.

My friend (who is quite outspoken about things) did this about six months ago. She told me that LONG after she shouldn't have been pooping anymore, she kept on doing so.

She would think "Now where were YOU hiding?"

The 10 year itch....

...not THAT kind of itch. Perverts.

Maggie and I are getting married in the Catholic church on October 2. That will be one day after our 10th anniversary. I have such mixed feeling about the church in general, but I really like the church we attend. That, and our favorite priest is going to do the ceremony. He's an awesome dude, and frankly, is quite the handsome chap. When I see him, I think: "I can't BELIEVE that guy isn't allowed to date." He'd make some lady very, very psyched.

Our original wedding was a Jewish ceremony, which rocked. But, having converted to Catholocism a couple of years ago, it's time to get hitched again, all proper-in-the-church-like.

My persepctive has changed, baby.

So I ran the Bronx Half-Marathon at an 8:24 pace. I was a little disappointed. I mean, it was great fun... and I beat last year's time by 38 seconds per mile, but I wanted to try to get under 8:15, which is my current personal best. This is the first race I've run twice.

Three years ago, I couldn't run a quarter mile.

So, over the last five years, I've gone from a pack-and-a-half-a-day smoker and problem drinker to Mr. Green Tea and distance running. I wonder what Maggie really makes of all this? Does it make her insecure? That I'll someday revert to my self-destructive and unhealthy ways?

I hope not. I mean: how can I? She's letting me go to a bachelor party in Montreal.

:-)

These moments.

It's 5:22am, and I just finished a brief Yoga routine. As is my norm, now, I had a huge glass of water-with-with-lemon-juice right when I woke up, and I'm about to have a cup of green tea. Then I'm going to go upstairs to take a shower, shave, and head out to run the Bronx Half-Marathon. The iPod is has a new playlist for the occasion.

It's moments like these when I ask myself: holy SHIT. Who ARE you?

One week in Montauk.

Just got back from a week in Montauk, NY. We met some friends from our old neighborhood in Brooklyn (something that's become a yearly thing) at a hotel on Old Montauk Highway. The weather kind of sucked, and we came back one day early.

It was fun though. Several people commented that I'm much less "angst-ridden" than I used to be... and that I look a hell of a lot healthier. Although one friend said "I think we need a little of the old-school 'slacker rich' around here."

The Bronx Half-Marathon is Sunday. I'm totally psyched.

More later.

Uh oh: O’Connor retires.

Bye bye, Roe v. Wade. Hello, Antonin Scalia, Version 2.0.

The most powerful action a President can take is to nominate a Supreme Court Justice. Because it’s a lifetime appointment, and because opinions rendered by the Court become the Law of the Land, each selection affects the course of Constitutional interpretation for the next several decades. The impact is absolutely profound.

There’s a precarious political balance on the Supreme Court, and it looks like it’s about to tilt seriously to the right.

Uh oh.