My god, I’ve missed you. Each and every one of you. But I’m back, now. And after a really, really stellar strip to Universal Studios Orlando with my 9-year-old… it’s time to revert to being the Engine of Economy that I’m supposed to be.
Traveling with my 9 year old was a dream. In fact, he’s a tremendous companion in nearly every aspect. He's adventurous, an excellent conversationalist, and pretty flexible. His only “difficult” quality is his insanely high energy level. Score one for MY genes! He’s constantly climbing, jumping, balancing, sprinting, or just, well… vibrating in place.
The parks rocked. While Universal is no place for the under-48-inch-tall set, they put a lot of thought into the rides. Get an Express Pass, if your budget allows for it. You get to go on each ride once, relatively quickly. Although they don’t always scan the pass, meaning that, depending on your moral code, you can ride Express again. My favorite rides: Spider Man, the Mummy,
Halloween Horror Night at Universal Studios was a mix of Totally Awesome and What Are They Thinking? Although the latter is probably due to Age (Late-Mid-Thirties) and Position (Protective Parent).
Here’s the deal: Throughout October, Universal closes the parks early, and transforms the Island of Adventure into a huge spook zone, with seven different haunted houses. Each house has a theme… whether that theme is “grinding up human remains” or “house full of dead family members,” it is sure to include lots of fake blood, and dozens of people hiding behind every corner who try to scare the living shit out of you. Again, an Express Pass is even more important item here. Regular lines were 45 minutes, while Express was walk-on.
Also, throughout the park, there are tons of actors dressed as murderers (with real chainsaws), ghouls, ghosts, or enormous demons (stilts included). And if you act scared, they will follow you.
My son thought it was fantastic. In fact, sitting on a park bench sipping a PowerAde, he looked at me very seriously… fireballs from the gas jets reflected in his eyes… and said “Dad, I love it here. I would live here if I could. This is amazing.”
And I thought “Shit, kiddo, you’re gonna LOVE college.”
I had two problems with the setup. One was the way alcohol was pushed SO excessively. Now, I realize that I’m a total teetotaler, but I’m also very Laissez-Faire (sp?) when it comes to what other people do. But micro-mini-clad ladies walking around an amusement park with trays of Jello Shot syringes was a little much.
The other problem I had was the R-rated-ness of the way women were presented. Kind of uncool for kids. Beyond skimpy warrior-demoness costumes, there were actually women pole dancing in cages suspended about eight feet from the ground. THAT, I think, went a little to far. I understand trying to appeal to the 18-29-year-old set, but in an amusement park, I think strippers cross the line.
Details, details. I got to spend four days with my older son, and we had a tremendous time together. From the parks to breakfasts to bus rides to beating the crap out of him in Epic Hotel Room Battles, getting four days with him was amazing.
Love to all. Even you, the kid who kicked my seat on the airplane.
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