I have the BEST diseases.

A while back, a friend of mine told me that I have the best diseases. And I believe it today, more than ever.

Let's review:

Psoriasis:
Pros: I get to go to tanning booths. Immune system in "hyperactive defense mode" all the time.
Cons: Icky-looking if untreated. I bleed everywhere.
My treatment: Steroids, sunlight, salt baths, UV, exercise, diet, pixie dust, etc.

Alcoholism:
Pros: Alcoholics Anonymous. Get to work on a spiritual lifestyle, meet amazing people that I never would have met otherwise, try to help others.
Cons: Prior years of blackouts, family distress, and liver damage.
Treatment: Alcoholics Anonymous, prayer, meditation.

ADHD:
Pros: Baffling energy levels. Can multitask like nobody's business. Zaniness.
Cons: My thoughts interrupt themselves. I forget what I'm doing all the time.
Treatment: None at this point.

It's pretty obvious: my diseases rock.

I've gotten a lot of feedback from folks on medication, about how going off medication can be really bad... and how lots of people go off medication to disastrous results because they "think they've been cured."

And the folks who say this... well, they're absolutely correct.

Fortunately for me, I'm not bi-polar or depressed. I've got Adult ADHD... which can be a HUGE pain in the ass from a functional perspective (and none too annoying to the folks around me), but has a shitload of side-benefits, as well. It also defines who I am, how I am, and what I do.

For me, treating ADHD sucked donkey ass. Seriously. Donkey ass.

In some ways, Adderall was initially amazing. I totally chilled, focused, neatened up, etc. But my silliness completely left. At dinner last night, Maggie told me that Adderall made me not myself. And as I rapidly grew a tolerance to it, it became less about "leveling off" and more about "when's it going to kick in? IS it going to kick in?" For an alcoholic, these are thought patterns best left alone. And the withdrawal: oy.

In retrospect, Adderall drugged me. It didn't "treat" anything. It wasn't restorative or balancing, like anti-depressants are for folks with depression.

Switching to Wellbutrin (an anti-depressant which has stimulant-like effects, and can often be used when a patient responses poorly to or, in my case, ceases responding to, stimulants) was a nightmare. Admittedly, this could be because I accidentally took 750 mg of the stuff instead of 450, but the fact that it had no efffect at all for a month, then made me pretty nuts... well, I've had enough.

I'm not saying my experience is the rule. If it works for you, go for it.

So. I'm heading into Manhattan to go to a 7:30am Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. A.A., exercise, prayer, meditation - this'll be how I try to better myself for the foreseeable future.

Love to all. Even you, the lady with the broadcaster's voice talking about how crazy James Taylor fans are.