“You can’t be friends with your employees,” I’ve been told. And that may be true.
There’s a clearly structural reason for this: the employee is inherently unable to be truly an “equal” friend, because their livelihood depends on their boss being happy with their contribution to the firm. That contribution consists of work ethic, work quality, and demeanor.
Had a weird thing today where my friend/employee actually pissed me off, because she wasn’t listening to me when I tried to show her something on the computer. Her reason: she didn’t know I was serious because I joke around so much. Fair enough. But what that means, from a functional perspective, is that I shouldn’t joke around nearly as much, or at least in the way that I normally do.
Her other reason: she thought she could do what I was going to show her better than I could. I tried to explain that even if this was true, it doesn't matter.
Am I an idiot? Should I try to be less me at work?
Because what frustrated me more, though, is the same thing that I’ve run into throughout my thirteen years as an exceedingly minor corporate magnate: my silliness detracts from my ability to lay down the law. Or at least get folks to listen to me. I kept trying to convince this person that I was serious, and they kept insisting I was joking. It’s pretty clear to me that I was being fucked with (in what I believe to be nice-intentioned way), but it annoyed the shit out of me.
It’s a difficult thing, bouncing back and forth between friendly camaraderie and “hold on, I’m your boss.”
Hell, maybe it’s impossible. I’m going to think this over a bit. Especially since I have three employees now, and that should increase to five over the next year.
Love to all. Even you, the guy reading the “Nelson DeMille” book who keeps, um, adjusting himself.
9 comments:
Good point bro.
I was always amazed at how well our common former boss, could juggle between these roles. One evening we would get shitfaced on scotch, and the next he could talk business and delegate issues like nothing had ever happened.
Maybe he can enlighten you on the thin equilbrium line.
cheers,
ITS: I think some of our former boss' ability had to do with us, as well. You know?
Steve: Oy. Let's hope this doesn't lead to a different job for me. Yikes. On the other hand, I agree: the problem is me.
The task/maintenance balance is a tough one to find... But I'm sure you can do it! :)
-Anonymous-
I'm not in management but I have had the same issues. It's always tricky but I've had to learn to "adjust" my personality so people will take me serious when I need them to! :)
Cautionary tale: I worked in a research lab for 7 years. One of my friends ended up getting his own grants and being the boss man, but was still his goofy self and the place went to hell. Guys were playing video games all day, work wasn't getting done, boss man didn't do anything about it. I think it took all of the oldtimers leaving for it to get pulled back together.
I think you can make it work, and still be yourself, but always make sure people are getting their work done. Even if you have to be a bitch about it.
Another Cautionary Tale:
I totally had this happen to me. I was young and we had a new boss (former republican politician - need I say more?) anyway he came in nice, like a grandpa, acted like our friend and so on. But after a while he wanted to change the way things were done. (Oh ya- he was bad at the job - only getting it because his son owned the company) Myself and the other employees didn't agree and decided to do it the way we had had done it. Needless to say he freaked out the day after his changes... yelling at me - telling me to go sit in the work room and think about what I had done. (clearly he didn't know how to be a boss) I being angry at him for treating me like a child. Gave my two weeks notice and was out of there. He lost respect from the other employees and wasnt there much longer.
It's just like raising kids - you can't be their friends and you have to be consistent or they will never take you serious.
Good Luck!
Having the ability to draw the business/personal line is rare.
The trick in being able to do it as a boss, I think, is to have employees who are also able to do it.
I've had employees who knew the difference - and others who did not, and who eventually had to be let go because of it.
Being me is my default setting, so I was always silly and matey at work, except when I had to be serious. And when I was serious it scared the crap out my employee/friends.
It's a bit like being a parent, you want to make life fun for your kids, but ultimately it's about responsibility.
See, and I would say it's nothing like being a parent - that in fact, trying to think of it that way will lead you down the wrong path.
Your employees aren't children, nor are they to be treated in a parent-to-child manner.
I think if you generally respect your employees, they'll sense it, and return it, if they're the type of employees you'd like to have.
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