So. Why the outburst yesterday over long-over crap with my parents? 9th-step stuff, I think. At this point in my whole self-assessment deal where I’m supposed to seek out those I’ve harmed and make amends for the injuries I’ve caused. Assuming, of course, that doing so wouldn’t harm the “amendee” or others. Clearly, my parents are on the list of people that I’ve harmed in the past. But the idea of making amends is hard to swallow when the at least one recipient of such action is mentally ill. And mean. And partially hates me.
Oh, well.
“It’s a sin,” Maggie quoted to me today, “to wish upon someone a life without grace.” And as soon as I heard that, I remembered my father saying “How dare you breathe?” I remembered him saying: “Every since you were a child, you’ve been trying to destroy our marriage.” I remember him saying: “Evil. Vile.”
So, it’s hard for me to thing of them in terms of the harm I’ve done. But heck, that’s the challenge here, isn’t it? Not to mention: I’m not exactly free from that sin, am I? No, sir.
Anyway, thanks for putting up with my crazy-ass self. I’ll be back in form presently.
Love to call. Especially you, with the half-broken mouse..
3 comments:
Dawg,
You've got some deep scars in you. Most people have similar scars, but youa re stronger for letting them out.
Love ya man.
"Be a sinner and sin boldly, but believe and rejoice in Christ even more boldly..." --Martin Luther
Blessings.
Well that's the thing, isn't it? Forgiveness. It's no picnic, eh? No walk in the park, no easy ride.
I think it's not something you can just DO. I think it takes lots and lots of time and work and I think if you don't chose to forgive, that's up to you. Forgiveness will probably make us feel better, but it doesn't seem mandatory, to me
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