I think between marital miscommunication, lack of sleep, business challenges, and chemical adjustments, I'm having a bit of a hard time with things. But it's all relative. I mean, it's not like I'm waking up in the back of my car, wondering how the hell I got there... that's SO 1987.
WARNING: I may be about to whine.
I feel like the way my wife and I are communicating recently just sucks. I realize there's a LOT of history of me being an irritable dickhead, so I guess I shouldn't expect those times when I'm NOT being an irritable dickhead to be greeted with responses as if I've NEVER been an irritable dickhead.
But still, I'm getting really tired of this dismissive attitude I've been getting recently. I hate, hate, hate being shut down pre-emptively. I hate global statements about my behavior. I hate being told what I'm thinking.
And I found our Big Date yesterday evening very difficult. My wife was twenty minutes late to the dinner, then wanted to "freshen up" before we actually went into the restaurant, then rejected the first table we were offered, then asked to move from the second table we were offed, knocked over a water glass on the way to the third table (it was an accident, but it was annoying), but she really like the third table, although I was next to a giant pole... then, after good appetizers, the entrees were actually CLOYING... then we left the balley early because both of us were tired, then we argued on the way home, when (okay, I admit this was a stupid move on my part) I asked her to either stop taking her foot off the gas every 20 seconds, or shifting to 5th so the car wouldn't lurch, since she was at 4700RPM. We went to bed displeased, to say the least.
And when I try to talk about stuff, I'm told to get over it. Which I guess I should, but it makes me not want to talk to her at all, if her response to my having things to talk about is either "get over it" or "I'm not talking to you about it."
I'm frustrated. I don't know if my new-found focus has allowed me things in a different way, or if the way I'm seeing things is tainted by Adderall. I should talk about this with my Professional Dude on Monday.
Note: I realize that I'm probably completely full of shit.
Love to all. Even you, the weird-ass Spanish businessmen who flushed the urinals at Cafe Grey with their feet.
2 comments:
Hope things start looking up.
I, too, hope things get better soon. We've been going through some challenging things here, too, and what I have found effective is to try and have a conversation when we're not feeling quite so emotional. We'll sometimes table a conversation and come back to it while we're giving the kid a bath or hanging out before bed and haven't been in the midst of whatever is going on.
I will add this: it's never fair to tell someone to get over it. I've wanted to say it a lot in recent weeks, too. But I would never say it because it totally invalidates what someone else is feeling or experiencing. When you pull out the "get over it" card, you're doing so because you simply don't want to give in or are too stubborn to change/adjust, etc.
Just keep trying and remember to try and say, "I feel..." instead of "You make me...".
It sounds like you have a pretty great marriage and you didn't get this far by not talking about things. And yes, I'm sure the meds have something to do with it. Your mind is probably clearer and better able to feel and process all that you're experiencing now.
Hang in there!
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