So, I leave my house at 6am (late morning for me. seriously. ugh.) and started driving to the train station. My neighbor pulls out behind me... it's this guy from way down the road. The dude's a tailgater. There's been a few times he's hung on my ass all the way from the train station to home.
I figure I'll a slightly different route to the train station, thus avoiding him having to be held up by me, and me having to worry about being tailgated. If I can't destress myself via not caring about potential tailgating (I'm neurotic like that), I'll destress by removing myself from the situation. Not bad thinking for early in the morning, right?
I turn down the alternate road, which turns out to be a lot snowier than the main road. I'm concentrating on the snow, when I see a car approaching from the left. This SHOULD be impossible. But somehow, I've come all the way to the main road in town, and I'm literally going straight THROUGH the stop sign, and I'm going to collide with this BMW, and it's totally my fault.
Slowdown. Clarity. Little arrows across my field of vision. Options.
If I tried to break, the guy would hit me. If I tried to make the turn, the guy would hit me. So I gunned it, and shot to the other side of the road, towards a plastic-fenced construction lot, so that I'd squeak buy and worry about stopping my own car in a few seconds, vs. having a two-car, my-fault situation.
I cross the road and brake to a stop. Accident avoided. The guy goes by, honking. He honks a lot. He's pissed. I back up. We're both going to the train station, so I decide to follow him to the parking lot in order to apologize. He must think I'm going to shoot him or something, because he starts driving funny... like stepping on his brakes, shooting forward, stepping on his brakes again.
I park next to him anyway. Wave.
I get out, and say: "I'm so sorry about that!" He's like "YOU ALMOST KILLED ME." I say: "I know! I'm really sorry. You know what happened? And I tell him. (I leave out the neighbor part, but mention the snow and that I didn't see the stop sign at all, and that it was totally my fault.)
Now, when I talk to people, especially if I'm apologizing, I sometimes, touch people on the elbow. You know what I mean. It's kind of a pat, timed with "I'm really sorry." This guy jumped back like I'd shocked him or something. It was weird. He also didn't make any eye contact for the entire time he kept looking to the left and right of me.
I guess I expected him to be somewhat accepting of my immediately taking blame and apologizing. Especially considering nothing actually happened. And I KNOW I should have just apologized without giving a crap what his reaction was, but I'm not quite there yet. I'm just not that spiritually fit.
It takes me a few seconds to realize that the guy is just trying to step around me so he can continue being pissed off. The only thing he said was "You almost killed me. You went through a stop sign." My response was, at first: "I know. I'm really sorry."
I should have let it go at that. But, like I said, I'm not there yet. When I realized that he was pretty much rejecting my apology, saying "YOU ALMOST KILLED ME" again, I said: "Oh, you don't want me to apologize. My mistake."
Shouldn't have said that. What I WANTED to say, but didn't, was:
"Oh, shut the fuck up, you jackass, crybaby, dickface, loser, arrogant, scumbag. I'm pretty fucking sure you and your BMW would have survived an 18 mile an hour impact with a 2000 Miata. I'm pretty sure there wouldn't have been a scratch on your heavily hairsprayed head. Nobody almost killed you, so stop whining."
I dunno. It's weird. I was apologizing for an accident that didn't happen, because I made a stupid mistake.
Are there really people who can fully "take themselves out of the results business?" and just do the right thing without worrying about the consequences and results? Can they promptly admit to being wrong and then not obsess over it?
I'd like to get to that point, but I'm not there yet. I think that's what I'm going to pray for for a while: "God, please help me do the right thing, and stay out of the results business."
Love to all. Even you, the dude with the extensive noseblowing ritual.
9 comments:
I don't know if there's anybody that is that good at not worrying about the results. I know I'm not. It's part of how we're wired I think.
I think you see it, but I want to point out that you DIDN'T have an accident because of fast, clear thinking and reacting. And you cared enough about the other person's feelings to appologize (even if he did turn out to act like a dickhead.)
Pretty good morning, if you ask me.
Rock on.
everyone made it out without a scratch (albeit a small scare), and this individual does not know "compromise." therefore, I would have gone with the expletives you DIDN'T say. I'm too old to spend the time on the trivial and ignorant. But I will grow up someday.
HAVE A GOOD DAY!!
I hate that the best thing I can say here is "I would have been the same way".
Upon taking full responsibility and apologizng, I would have expected a positive response. And I then would have patted myself on the back for my maturity and thought about how, really, more people should be like me.
That guy's insistance on being a dick would have ruined the script for me.
I hate it when people mess with my script.
People tend to get worked up when they are almost hit by cars. All the adrenaline really puts you on edge, and that seems like something you should be able to relate to. Everyone gets scared, and expecting this guy to be perfectly cordial to you when you just nearly caused an accident with him is a bit much. Just two cents.
Yeah, he could have been nicer. But Anonymous has a great point. The guy was freaked out, and I did totally screw up.
Thanks anonymous!
(Why are you anonymous?)
you owned up to it. Which make you strong in spirit in my world.
You can't control other people's reactions. I think you did the right thing. I think HE could have been more open minded to your humanity.
I agree with anonymous as well. Although, after you explained the situation, he should've reacted better.
why does it sound to me that ppl in your town are rich pricks?
Somehow I feel I know who this anonymous is.
I'm just thankful nothing did happen!!
I have to agree though; people tend to get..... highly emotional after a near miss. I've had to deal with customers like that as well.
But agreed, on a personal note, it's a little hard to remain calm when faced with someone who canNOT calm down.
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