I thought about it, and answered with my only tried and true method for dating. I wanted to share it with you here:
Start drinking too much. WAY too much. When you want to stop drinking, don’t stop. Keep this up until you NEED to stop and HAVE to stop and TRY to stop every day but can’t. Continue this for years.
Have a God-inspired, seemingly random, micro-white-light experience. Stop drinking. Go to AA. Meet people in AA. Meet someone in AA who is way out of your league but who is not your typical “type” who thinks you’re on the edge of sanity and possibly a heroin addict, and who avoids you. Make some friends who turn out to be that person’s friends. Discover that person is your neighbor.
Stalk that person in a non-sexual and non-threatening way. Leave random notes on their car about the migration patterns of birds,
music, other things. Be a stalker for friendship only.Wait until the day where that person is so bored and lonely one day that they break down and come over to your house. Become friends with that person. Try to set that person up with one of your friends. Have it fail miserably. Have that person come to your house one night in a really sad mood, and have a big ol’ cry in your room. Comfort that person without the specific intention of the smooch that follows.
Like the smooch. Repeat smooch.
— and that is the *only* method that has ever worked for me, in terms of a successful method for finding a long-term relationship.
— please note: it has only worked for me once.
Love to all. Even you, burpy mcbubblegum.
15 comments:
thank you, thank you, and thank you. I knew I was doing something wrong!!!
And her name would be Maggie?
I know my way isn't really working, but um, i like it better than your way, even though it worked for you.
RICH! I am coming to NYC. I will be vacationing there in September, around the 15-22. I am going to have a million questions, obviously because I am a country girl who will be visiting the big city for the first time. My first question... Where does Spiderman live?
You are soooo funny. It sounds way too much like a TV movie though. Except I think Maggie would kick your butt more than the girls in those movies would.
I wonder, could I skip the years of drinking part and just go to the AA meetings? Or is that not working the process and being too impatient?
Abbagirl...I have to schedule a work trip to NYC. I should aim maybe for Sept 15-22 time frame? We could get into all kinds of trouble I'm sure, looking for Spidey and such... heh, heh, heh.
Let's go for it! I am so excited about going!
Rich, we aren't trying to use your comment section as a chat room, but I would like to include you if we do decide to meet up. Keep the dates on your calendar.
You are such a stud! That is a very sweet, respectful, loving, and wonderful way to woo a person. Good for you both!
Hey, whatever works.
My personal method was to have a really, really gut-wrenchingly bad relationship with someone the first week of freshman year in college, then cry to his best friend every single day about said horrible relationship. Um, then realize I'm in love with the friend. Then get married and stay together for 21 years and counting.
That's only worked once for me too.
AbbaGirl: okay, this time, if all of you folk rendezvous in NYC, we MUST have coffee. I messed this up with TC, but I always regretted it. I think Spiderman lives in Jersey.
Po: Wow. That's pretty much as good as my method.
Evilymo: Nobody has ever... EVER called me a stud. Yay!
Gina: Don't knock it until you've tried it, man.
Eric: THAT is correct.
TheMom: Glad I could help. ;-)
My method was to date a boy for 6 months and break up.
Then, over a period of 5 years, make and receive random phone calls to say hi.
After 5 years, move south at recommendation of said friend.
Began making wedding plans as a joke to FREAK OUT MY MOM (there was no proposal) - and followed through six months later.
That has also only worked once.
---I also won the lottery by marrying a really hot nerd.
Ah Rich, ya make me giggle
"Be a stalker for friendship only."
I love it.
This was hilarious.
Of course, it would have worked *only* for you ;)
Did you know that you've been nominated for Hottest Daddy Blogger over at bloggerschoiceawards.com? Go check it out! Post a link on your site, too!
:-)
That was, quite possibly, the funniest exposition on true love I've read in awhile. Well done.
Post a Comment