If you know, you know. If you don't, that's totally cool.

Sorry about the vagueness of this one. I won't do it again.

On Friday, I did my first full and complete 5th step. It was an absolutely amazing experience, and completely different than what I expected. When it was over, I felt infused by light, and totally excited about the future.

During the process, there was one point where I tapped into this unbelievably strong wellspring of sorry over my father and mother. Although, having thought about it, i think it was two things: 1) Crazy-ass borderline that he is, I still miss him tremendously. 2) Having three kids of my own, I have no clue as to how he could act the way he does. I understand that he's sick, but when my kids do the exact same shit that, when I did it, was termed "evil," I'm like: "What the FUCK? This is just normal KID stuff."

Well, God bless the man.

I didn't engage those feelings. I realize I'm going to have to, eventually. But not now. For the moment, I am reveling in the fact... the concrete realization... that doing a fifth step, and following it quickly with the 6th and 7th, means that I am totally responsible from my actions from here on out. No blaming anyone, no matter what they did, do or will do.

I am totally accountable. Rock on.