Maggie is sick. Maybe with a recurrence of Lyme disease. She's tired and fluish and aches all over. Her test results come back Thursday. I got home around 9... just in time to say goodnight to her and my oldest. My two youngest were already asleep.
I'm missing my parents, right now. It's such a strange thing to say. But I really do. The thing about my father is this: he's not a bad guy... he's just got a major problem. Let me correct that. He's can be a GREAT guy, but he's got a major problem. And when that problem focuses on you (like it did to my Uncle and my Grandmother)... oh my God, is it frightening.
Folks with Borderline Personality Disorder are persuasive and relentless and frightening.
The thing is, I love my parents dearly. And I miss them. In spite of the fact that they think I'm evil... that they think I've been trying to destroy their marriage since I was four years old... I still think this is driven by illness, and hope that, one day, I could at least say hello again.
The caveat: I will not let Maggie get hurt by them again. While I watched the decades-long rage against my Uncle and Grandmother... she never experienced a Borderline in action. She was unprepared, and thought that she could win them over with honesty and kindness. No wonder she got shingles. Twice.
Ugh.
I'll be happier tomorrow.
3 comments:
I am so sorry. I have those nights too.
I hate seperating from my parents but they are both unhealthy in their minds in similar ways.
Good luck to you.
Ouch. I've had Lyme Disease twice... the first time needed treatment with a PICC line (permanent catheter and IV)... I hope your little girl feels better.
Hope she feels better. Good blog. You sound like me in a lot of ways.
Post a Comment