I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do. But hell, since I just uploaded an IM conversation which was completely inappropriate, I might as well show more of the petty side of my personality. Here we go.
Oh my fucking God.
I’m sitting on the train in a 3x2, two-rows-facing-each-other configuration, facing what could possibly be the least attractive couple I’ve ever seen. This is NOT because they are physically repulsive. If I saw pictures of either of them, I’d wouldn’t think twice either way. They are 6’s or 7’s on a scale of 1-10. They are in their mid-40’s.
It’s their attitude that gets me.
They come storming over, and the first thing the guy does is snort. I mean SNORT... this dude is hawking BIG snot back up into his head. And he’s proceeded to do that about every 45 seconds since he sat down. He looks at his wife and says in a cigarette- or cigar-crunchy voice “Jesus Christ! [unintelligible] You want to sit in? We can let this guy take the middle."
Mind you, I’m already sitting down. So, um, thanks for letting me do that retroactively, bucko.
They sit down across from me… one on either side. She has an enormous bag which she doesn’t put up in the luggage rack, making it impossible for anyone to sit in the seat across from her. He drapes his coat across the seat next to him, making it impossible for anyone to sit in the seat across from me.
She has a Dell laptop, and I guess she’s reading. She’s only hitting the down-arrow, and she’s hitting it REALLY hard. BANG BANG….BANG BANG!
He is reading a magazine. I can’t tell which one. But when he turns the pages he’s snapping them. And then he snorts. Twice, now, he’s emitted one of those enormous yawns that just announce to the world: I AM SITTING IN THIS CHAIR.
In the animal world, the dude would have come in, peed all over the place, and gone to sleep.
The woman is dour. Very dour. Her husband radiates distaste. He’s had several very loud conversations with a friend of his. SNORT. YAWN. SIGH. He sits back with his arms over his head… making sure he’s taking up as much space as possible. He’s a non-stop cavalcade of body noises and alpha-male declarations.
Ugh. My town is full of people like this. I really need to make a better effort to make to to befriend the folks that I like…
Snort. Sigh. Yawn.
Love to all. Even you two.
6 comments:
Urgh. Worse than that is getting trapped in against the window by one of those types! Still, patience is a virtue and all.
You've done a really nice job describing this in detail, because just reading it makes me want to beat the holy shit out of those two.
I bet they voted for Bush too, asswipes!
Well said, we have Neaderthals like that in the country too. They're everywhere, they're everywhere! Makes you want to look them right in the eyes and say.. EVOLVE DAMN IT! :o)~
I don't like the men who sit on the bus, in the middle seat of a three seat bench and then spread their legs so wide no one could sit beside him. How much airing do you really need, because it's a shower you should treat those danglers to instead.
When I see that, I get a voice in my head saying "He's presenting before the female! Overt male posturing is common in this breed, but our female doesn't seem too impressed. Shame."
Makes me very glad that in my town (Seoul) everyone just sleeps on the train. But they snort and hork loogies on the streets... even the little old ladies.
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